Next, on "To Catch a Predator"--Grown-Up Douchebags with Harry Potter Books

One of the many things that the douchebag pictured to the right fancies himself an expert on (cough! cough!) is Harry Potter. Leaving aside the issue of how pathetic it is for a grown man to expound on his blog about a fictitious teenage wizard, it's just plain creepy. Even by Caric standards.

http://red-state.blogspot.com/2007/07/wild-card-in-harry-potter-deck.html

http://red-state.blogspot.com/2007/06/severus-snape-puts-stopper-on-death.html

So Ric Ric gives me this golden opportunity to publicly ridicule him. I would be remiss if I didn't take him up on it (which I did on his site, but he will most likely delete my comment later this afternoon). Here goes my parody:

Next, on "To Catch a Predator."

(Chris Hansen voiceover) Our hidden camera catches a disheveled govt professor armed with the latest Harry Potter book and a box of Trojans...

He claims he just wants to discuss the book with a 13-year-old boy, but then why the condoms and Mike's Hard Lemonade?

(Caric walks into kitchen of empty house with a grocery bag and a Harry Potter book)

CARIC (to fictitious 13 year old off camera): ...Mmyaaha! I think this new book really--ummm!--explores the hidden homoerotic dimensions to the relationship between Ron and Harry, and--ummmm!-- between Voldemort and Snape...it really--ummm!--calls into question our notions of---nyyumm!--masculinity...

(in walks Chris Hansen, with a camera crew behind him)

CARIC: Nyyaaa, oh boy!

HANSEN: Why don't you have a seat there and tell me what you're doing.

CARIC: Nyaha! Just having a discussion of the latest Harry Potter book.

(with eyebrows raised incredulously) HANSEN: With a 13 year old boy? At home alone? With a six pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade?

CARIC: Ummm! Nnyaha!

HANSEN: Well, we have your chat log here. You are "drknowitall," right?

CARIC: Um!

(reading aloud from the chat log with a look of disgust etched on his face) HANSEN: "drknowitall: let's get 2gether and measure each other's magic wands. see if they are bigger than Harry's. ;)

horny13: lol. kewl

drknowitall: do ya think Harry likes the feel of that broomstick in his crotch? :)

horny13: i know i do! lol!

drknowitall: me 2!"

HANSEN: So this was just a literary conversation?

CARIC: Ummmm!! Is someone microwaving popcorn here? I'm starting to break out in hives.

HANSEN: You're a professor of government, a parent of two underage daughters. What were you thinking?

CARIC: Aahhmm. Nnnyyaha!

Picture the rest for yourself...

What's My Beef with Ric Ric?

In the comments section of the previous post, "retro_liberal" asked me why I have an axe to grind against the douchebag pictured to the right.

It's a fair question to ask, but one that I can't answer directly with specifics without divulging clues as to my identity.

So in lieu of listing my specific grievances against Ric Ric, I will list a set of adjectives describing Ric Ric so you can fill in the blanks for yourself. Think of it as stream-of-consciousness game, if you will. Here goes:

Arrogant. Pompous. Tedious. Self-Important. Duplicitous. Guileful. Hypocritical. Condescending. Dilettante. Cowardly. Untrustworthy. Manipulative. Annoying. Passive-Aggressive. MEDIOCRE.

This is a good start, but I'm sure it's not exhaustive. If I have left anything out that anyone else can think of, please feel free to add your own Ricky Ric-specific adjectives in the comments section. Mnnyyaaaahaa?

Political Scientist? Historian? Neither?

It seems Ric Ric still can't make up his mind as to whether he is an historian or a political scientist.

http://red-state.blogspot.com/2007/06/rsi-goes-to-philly.html

More likely, though, it's that he believes he's so smart that he's actually both. Ricky Ric likes to fancy himself as the resident Renaissance Man of the GGH Dept. at Morehead State. An expert on everything, if you will.

What the rest of us refer to as a "dilletante" in polite company, while we roll our eyes and snicker at him behind his back.

In not-so-polite company, we just say he's a "pompous douchebag."

Little Ricky's Thin Skin and Massive Ego

Seems Ricky Ric can't deal with being called on his own bullshit. That's why he deletes not just my comments, but also the comments of anyone else who knows him and points out his hypocrisy and arrogance to him (albeit in ways nicer than I would).

Pitiful.

Horse-Choking Hypocrisy from Ricky Ric

In today's blathering blog post, Ricky Ric chides Christopher Hitchens for being an arrogant prick for arguing that atheists know better than Christians.

http://red-state.blogspot.com/2007/06/how-to-be-atheist-and-arrogant-prick.html

Whatever.

Funny thing is that anyone who has ever spent any amount of time dealing with or interacting with Caric could easily accuse him of harboring the same biases that he chastises Hitchens for having. Only with Ricky Ric, he hides his condescension and disdain for the Bible-thumping yokels around him with a thin veneer of scholarly detachment. It is, after all, his sacred duty to "enlighten" them. Well, at least Hitchens is honest.

Really Ric, look in the mirror. You just might see that wooden board jutting out of your eye.

Ric Ric the Plagiarist?

If so, it makes him a hypocrite to boot given the way he goes after his students for the same academic sin.

Compare the captions of these two posts, one on Douchebag's blog and the other on Dailykos:

http://red-state.blogspot.com/2007/05/blank-check-is-ready-to-arrive.html

http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2007/5/21/17842/4957

What do you have to say for yourself, Ric Ric? Ummmmmm!! Nnyaahaaa?

From the "Do Bears Shit in the Woods?" Department

Caric's latest earth-shattering research concerns the burning question of which sex killed Jesus.

After several pages of unoriginal verbal diarrhea, he comes to the shocking conclusion that it was--hold onto your seats, now!--men who killed Jesus. Who woulda thunk it?

This must be why Caric believes he's the greatest thinker ever to darken the doors of the intellectually-destitute Morehead State University. Who else there can examine the most obvious questions and come to such obvious conclusions?

Next on his "research" agenda--"Water: Is It Wet?"